One of the reporters just came into my office. He offered me a Werthers Original. I just had to say yes. I am eating it as I write. I just have to write something. It's not really specific to this show, but very important to the group. Why? Here goes...
For our 2003 pantomime we did Jack & The Beanstalk, written/adapted and produced by box office. It was directed by producer geezer. But in addition to the normal cast of principal boy, principal girl, dame and panto animal etc there were two elderly ladies. Or rather scud and producer playing two elderly ladies. Ethel and Vera. As members of the audience. In a royal box. Passing comment on every scene during the set changes. And sometimes during the scenes. Especially on the last night. A bit like Waldorf and Stadler from the muppets.
It was an idea which worked very well and box office let us write our own script rather than give us dialogue. We had a chance to change and adapt things during the run. On the first Saturday England won the Rugby World Cup, so that became part of the act. We had stuff about everything from Saga holidays to Michael Jackson dangling a baby out of a hotel window. From Stanna stairlifts to George Bush. From Goldfish to beer. The NODA rep who reviewed the show loved it. Said it was the best thing about the show in fact. Oh NODA stands for National Operatic and Dramatic Association by the way.
On the last night there was a notorious incident involving sausages. But the most important item to come out of the whole exercise was the cult status of Werthers. We did the advert where the elderly man tells the story of how his grandpa gave him werthers when he was a little boy and he now gives them to his grandchildren. And then we threw them into the audience like normal panto sweets.
Loads of the kids there had never heard of them. It all changed in those two weeks. One young member of the audience, whose mum was playing the principal boy, became a total addict.
So the next year for Snow White & The Seven Dwarves, out they came again. Not from Ethel and Vera. They had retired. But from the Dame (played by rival). And then the following year in Treasure Island as well. And so last year secretary decided to do something about it. After all, Werthers are not cheap. Not when you throw them out by the handful. So she wrote to Germany to the company who make them. Bendicks, who also make the high class mints. She offered them the chance to become the official pantomime confectionary sponsors in return for sending us shed loads of Werthers. And they agreed. And they sent a huge box of them, by post, from Germany.
So just before the end of every performance of Dick Whittington, while the cast were getting changed into their walkdown wedding costumes, Father Christmas was dishing out piles of Werthers to the audience. And now it's official, it's never going to change. So to everyone in the group, Werthers only mean one thing. Of course I had to tell my reporter that. Poor bloke. All he did was come to offer me a sweet. I might have done my own legs in here. He probably won't bother in future, scared that I might have a story to tell about Wrigley's Extra. Or Revels. Or Jelly Babies. In fact, come to think of it, I do have a story about Revels....
Thought for the day:
'She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine'
Guns 'n' Roses
Wednesday, January 31
Tuesday, January 30
Religious violence
I have had a very important response to my last blog. Guidance from director him. He has written, as the authority whom shall be obeyed, that: 'As an extremely lapsed catholic I can confirm that your little prayer is not blasphemous as it is traditional to pray to Saints. And if anyone should suggest that Billie is not a Saint I will hold them down and box office can punch them.' Pretty conclusive if you ask me.
Went to see The Last Laugh tonight with secretary and box office. High priest cancelled as he had to work. Shame because it was fantastic. Both hilarious and serious at the same time. First night of the run, prior to moving up to London. Roger Lloyd Pack was brilliant. Perfectly cast in the role. He and Martin Freeman are going to have a great time in the West End.
Thought for the day: 'Two goldfish swimming in a bowl. One says to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?" .....(pause)..... Er, shouldn't that be tank? Goldfish in a tank. I think if you try that it will work better next time.' The Last Laugh
Went to see The Last Laugh tonight with secretary and box office. High priest cancelled as he had to work. Shame because it was fantastic. Both hilarious and serious at the same time. First night of the run, prior to moving up to London. Roger Lloyd Pack was brilliant. Perfectly cast in the role. He and Martin Freeman are going to have a great time in the West End.
Thought for the day: 'Two goldfish swimming in a bowl. One says to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?" .....(pause)..... Er, shouldn't that be tank? Goldfish in a tank. I think if you try that it will work better next time.' The Last Laugh
Just for luck with a little prayer
I thought I should put something up for everyone to pray to... Oh Billie, wilt thou be our Honorary President and pour your blessings upon us. Amen. Or something like that.
Actually, is that blasphemous? Maybe one of my dearly beloved lapsed catholic friends can let me know...
I really hope she says yes, for the Academy kids as much as anything. Well OK, for director him too. And box office.
Meanwhile, I have been humming Something Deep Inside to myself non-stop since Saturday night. Worrying.
Thought for the day:
'The first time that it crossed my mind, I kept on pushing it aside. It's such a strong emotion. Second time it's plain to see, This feeling rushing over me. Oh yeah..... And unknown to me, This chemistry is.... Something deep inside'
Something Deep Inside. Billie Piper. Walk Of Life
Monday, January 29
Transport of delight
It's great when you are travelling somewhere and you make all your connections and get there on time, or if you're really lucky even get there ahead of schedule. It really is lovely. When it doesn't happen it's a bit of a bummer. Like tonight for instance. Bus, tube, train. Left work at five past nine. Took me nearly an hour to get to Ealing Broadway. It really is desperately irritating. Had to ring director him and say it was a no-no. Eventually got home about 15 minutes ago.
I think I have finally uncovered the problem with our railways though. There was a goods train derailment at Cricklewood a year ago and we got a copy of the findings of the inquiry into the incident today. Not that an exciting read to be honest, but there were some recommendations for future policy at the end.
The final one is the most important... 'Ensure that someone competent is in charge.' I kid you not. There in black & white. And following that it says: 'If that person is not there ensure that someone else has been briefed to the relevant level of competancy.'
So if you ever doubted it, it's now official. Our railways have, hitherto, been run by incompetent people. But then if you examined the timetable of the line in and out of London from Langley and saw the size of the trains and the conditions in which people have to travel, you would know that for sure already.
Thought for the day: 'If God had meant us to fly, he would never have given us the railways.' Link between the sketch 'By Air' and the song 'Slow Train'. Michael Flanders. At The Drop Of A Hat. Flanders & Swann
I think I have finally uncovered the problem with our railways though. There was a goods train derailment at Cricklewood a year ago and we got a copy of the findings of the inquiry into the incident today. Not that an exciting read to be honest, but there were some recommendations for future policy at the end.
The final one is the most important... 'Ensure that someone competent is in charge.' I kid you not. There in black & white. And following that it says: 'If that person is not there ensure that someone else has been briefed to the relevant level of competancy.'
So if you ever doubted it, it's now official. Our railways have, hitherto, been run by incompetent people. But then if you examined the timetable of the line in and out of London from Langley and saw the size of the trains and the conditions in which people have to travel, you would know that for sure already.
Thought for the day: 'If God had meant us to fly, he would never have given us the railways.' Link between the sketch 'By Air' and the song 'Slow Train'. Michael Flanders. At The Drop Of A Hat. Flanders & Swann
Sunday, January 28
Sign of the times
Secretary's part as Doorknocker is pretty funny. Having your face made up to look bronze and holding a ring in your mouth with your head stuck through a door is pretty funny in itself. She's made it even funnier with her choice of accent. Or rather choices of accents.
At the read-through and auditions she did it with a west country twang. The she picked me up from the station on Thursday and announced that she was going to do it with a Welsh lilt. It caught director her out for one! There were certainly plenty of laughs as a result. Yesterday she suggested that maybe it should be Irish instead. I'm not entirely sure she was serious...
That said, she played an Australian in three shows during our early years with Cast and by the time it came to the third one the NODA reviewer actually said that she really was Australian.
She only has speaking parts in three scenes according to the script. However she is now going to play a rather irritable sign holder for the Mended Drum pub and the employment agency. We are going to have someone come out, remove the knoocker ring from her mouth and hang a sign there instead. I'm not sure whether it was director him or director her's idea, but whichever of them it was, it is certainly very amusing.
Thought for the day: 'How could you tell the difference between a pub and a brothel in mediaeval times? The signs on the brothels hung flat against the walls while the pub signs hung out at 90 degrees to the wall.' There was no difference in any of the names. The Horn could be a knocking shop or a drinking establishment. Although I reckon it was probably hard to tell the difference with what went on. Then again, I would suggest it could be pretty tricky now.
At the read-through and auditions she did it with a west country twang. The she picked me up from the station on Thursday and announced that she was going to do it with a Welsh lilt. It caught director her out for one! There were certainly plenty of laughs as a result. Yesterday she suggested that maybe it should be Irish instead. I'm not entirely sure she was serious...
That said, she played an Australian in three shows during our early years with Cast and by the time it came to the third one the NODA reviewer actually said that she really was Australian.
She only has speaking parts in three scenes according to the script. However she is now going to play a rather irritable sign holder for the Mended Drum pub and the employment agency. We are going to have someone come out, remove the knoocker ring from her mouth and hang a sign there instead. I'm not sure whether it was director him or director her's idea, but whichever of them it was, it is certainly very amusing.
Thought for the day: 'How could you tell the difference between a pub and a brothel in mediaeval times? The signs on the brothels hung flat against the walls while the pub signs hung out at 90 degrees to the wall.' There was no difference in any of the names. The Horn could be a knocking shop or a drinking establishment. Although I reckon it was probably hard to tell the difference with what went on. Then again, I would suggest it could be pretty tricky now.
Karma - and now we wait
Sometimes things are meant to go wrong just so they can turn out all right in the end. This evening was a case in point.
A few months ago I booked up for a number of us to see a series of shows at the Theatre Royal in Windsor. I have already mentioned our trip to see The Unexpected Guest a couple of weeks ago. On Tuesday we are going to see Martin Freeman and Roger Lloyd Pack in The Last Laugh. The following Tuesday it is the turn of Christopher Timothy and Stephanie Beecham in Hay Fever.
Tonight was Treats. Starring Billie Piper. When I booked to see the show, it suddenly hit me like a lightning bolt from the blue. She should be our Honorary President!
Hayley Mills took on the role about 12 years ago, but as she now lives permanently in New York we never hear from her, and about two years ago the search began for a new person to take the role.
Well I say search. What I mean is that we spent an awful lot of time sitting around at committee meetings trying to come up with an idea of who we could ask without ever agreeing.
The chairman - previous director - fancied Natalie Imbruglia. He also quite liked the idea of having her as Honorary President when she was living in Windsor. We talked about Anna Friel as she was local. Rolf Harris even. Then someone hit on the idea of Euan McGregor. None of these people really fitted the bill.
With the launch of our junior section, CAST Academy, we needed someone who was known and liked by our members as young as eight to ones as old as me. It was obvious when you think about it. She can sing, dance and act. She has the Dr Who following, the pop star past and now the serious acting career to make her everyone's prime candidate.
I put it to the committee that I should try to get hold of her agent to send a letter. They said yes, and I got on with it. Could I find her agent? No chance. So it came down to basics. A letter to her at the theatre.
Our party for the show tonight consisted of secretary and producer, set man, box office, director him, high priest and summer producer. The plan was that I should drop off a copy of the letter to the theatre before we all had a pre-theatre meal at Pizza Express. Then, armed with a second insurance copy, we should go to the stage door and the bar to try to see her and check whether she had seen the first copy and maybe get a chat if we were lucky.
But secretary and I hit problems. Serious problems. Printer problems. Having given our old computer, scanner and printer to my parents at Christmas and bought our three-in-one new Hewlett Packard, we of course hadn't got round to setting it up. We also had problems with the letterhead and charity logos which she emailed to my mac and... it's all to complex for words. Then we couldn't get the computer installed on my laptop as it doesn't have a high enough operating system, blah, blah... so I had to email the text of my letter back to secretary and then she had to reformat it and then install the printer on her laptop.
This all took a ridiculous amount of time. We ended up having cheese on toast at home rather than getting to Pizza Express to eat with the others. Finally we printed out two copies and wrote on the front 'Ms Billie Piper, c/o Theatre Royal, Windsor from Colnbrook Amateur Stage Theatre'.
We drove to Windsor and went to park in the car park near the theatre. As we drove past I saw two people outside the alley which leads to the stage door. Someone to hand a letter to, I hoped. We parked. We had to get change for the ticket machine. We had to put the ticket in the car.
We spotted summer producer walking down from the front of the theatre and I left secretary with her to stride off towards the end of the stage door alley. There was someone with a camera. I walked to the end and Billie was standing there signing autographs. She had one last photograph taken and turned up the steps to go in.
I called out 'Billie, can I just give you this' and she turned and I handed the envelope over people's heads into her hand. She smiled and said thank you in an almost surprised tone, and turned to go in, looking at the envelope and seemed to do a double-take as she looked at the words on the front. She looked puzzled - maybe. Intrigued - certainly. Likely to open the envelope and read the letter - I reckon the chances were at least 50-50 if not better.
Mission accomplished. I walked back to secretary who was flabbergasted. Then we went round to the front, where everyone else was waiting outside. I told them and director him said it was definitely karma that we had had so much trouble during the afternoon. I was meant to be there at that precise moment.
I have done my bit now and put the letter in Billie's hand. The rest is down to her. Secretary wonders if she gets this sort of request all the time or whether no-one has ever asked. I think we are a relative rarity in having a famous Honorary President as it is. And I think most groups would pick someone far older and less cool. Let's face it, we are exceptional in so far as our membership is so young and that we want a figurehead to represent that.
Finally, one thing surprised me. She is actually very, very pretty. I have always thought of her as strikingly good looking, but not pretty in the obvious normal sense of the word. She looks quite different to the character of Rose and the pop star persona which we all saw so many times. Pretty and polite. I instinctively liked her and having met and interviewed quite a few names over the years as a journalist there are an awful lot of 'celebrities' who definitely do not fall into either or both of those categories. Yes, I really hope she agrees. She would be great.
The play was good too. Cleverly constructed with the relationships between each of the three of the characters examined clearly. You got a chance to study them on their own as individuals, interacting as pairs, and playing off one another as a threesome. The performances were all very good as well. Not a bad night all in all. Just say yes Billie... please!
Thought for the day:
'Are you gonna walk the walk of life with me?
Are you gonna see more than you dreamed you'd see?
Are you gonna walk hand in hand with me?
Can you be the one who sets my shadow free?
Are you gonna try and understand with me?
Are you gonna be the best that you can be?
Are you gonna walk the walk of life with me?'
Walk of Life. Billie Piper
A few months ago I booked up for a number of us to see a series of shows at the Theatre Royal in Windsor. I have already mentioned our trip to see The Unexpected Guest a couple of weeks ago. On Tuesday we are going to see Martin Freeman and Roger Lloyd Pack in The Last Laugh. The following Tuesday it is the turn of Christopher Timothy and Stephanie Beecham in Hay Fever.
Tonight was Treats. Starring Billie Piper. When I booked to see the show, it suddenly hit me like a lightning bolt from the blue. She should be our Honorary President!
Hayley Mills took on the role about 12 years ago, but as she now lives permanently in New York we never hear from her, and about two years ago the search began for a new person to take the role.
Well I say search. What I mean is that we spent an awful lot of time sitting around at committee meetings trying to come up with an idea of who we could ask without ever agreeing.
The chairman - previous director - fancied Natalie Imbruglia. He also quite liked the idea of having her as Honorary President when she was living in Windsor. We talked about Anna Friel as she was local. Rolf Harris even. Then someone hit on the idea of Euan McGregor. None of these people really fitted the bill.
With the launch of our junior section, CAST Academy, we needed someone who was known and liked by our members as young as eight to ones as old as me. It was obvious when you think about it. She can sing, dance and act. She has the Dr Who following, the pop star past and now the serious acting career to make her everyone's prime candidate.
I put it to the committee that I should try to get hold of her agent to send a letter. They said yes, and I got on with it. Could I find her agent? No chance. So it came down to basics. A letter to her at the theatre.
Our party for the show tonight consisted of secretary and producer, set man, box office, director him, high priest and summer producer. The plan was that I should drop off a copy of the letter to the theatre before we all had a pre-theatre meal at Pizza Express. Then, armed with a second insurance copy, we should go to the stage door and the bar to try to see her and check whether she had seen the first copy and maybe get a chat if we were lucky.
But secretary and I hit problems. Serious problems. Printer problems. Having given our old computer, scanner and printer to my parents at Christmas and bought our three-in-one new Hewlett Packard, we of course hadn't got round to setting it up. We also had problems with the letterhead and charity logos which she emailed to my mac and... it's all to complex for words. Then we couldn't get the computer installed on my laptop as it doesn't have a high enough operating system, blah, blah... so I had to email the text of my letter back to secretary and then she had to reformat it and then install the printer on her laptop.
This all took a ridiculous amount of time. We ended up having cheese on toast at home rather than getting to Pizza Express to eat with the others. Finally we printed out two copies and wrote on the front 'Ms Billie Piper, c/o Theatre Royal, Windsor from Colnbrook Amateur Stage Theatre'.
We drove to Windsor and went to park in the car park near the theatre. As we drove past I saw two people outside the alley which leads to the stage door. Someone to hand a letter to, I hoped. We parked. We had to get change for the ticket machine. We had to put the ticket in the car.
We spotted summer producer walking down from the front of the theatre and I left secretary with her to stride off towards the end of the stage door alley. There was someone with a camera. I walked to the end and Billie was standing there signing autographs. She had one last photograph taken and turned up the steps to go in.
I called out 'Billie, can I just give you this' and she turned and I handed the envelope over people's heads into her hand. She smiled and said thank you in an almost surprised tone, and turned to go in, looking at the envelope and seemed to do a double-take as she looked at the words on the front. She looked puzzled - maybe. Intrigued - certainly. Likely to open the envelope and read the letter - I reckon the chances were at least 50-50 if not better.
Mission accomplished. I walked back to secretary who was flabbergasted. Then we went round to the front, where everyone else was waiting outside. I told them and director him said it was definitely karma that we had had so much trouble during the afternoon. I was meant to be there at that precise moment.
I have done my bit now and put the letter in Billie's hand. The rest is down to her. Secretary wonders if she gets this sort of request all the time or whether no-one has ever asked. I think we are a relative rarity in having a famous Honorary President as it is. And I think most groups would pick someone far older and less cool. Let's face it, we are exceptional in so far as our membership is so young and that we want a figurehead to represent that.
Finally, one thing surprised me. She is actually very, very pretty. I have always thought of her as strikingly good looking, but not pretty in the obvious normal sense of the word. She looks quite different to the character of Rose and the pop star persona which we all saw so many times. Pretty and polite. I instinctively liked her and having met and interviewed quite a few names over the years as a journalist there are an awful lot of 'celebrities' who definitely do not fall into either or both of those categories. Yes, I really hope she agrees. She would be great.
The play was good too. Cleverly constructed with the relationships between each of the three of the characters examined clearly. You got a chance to study them on their own as individuals, interacting as pairs, and playing off one another as a threesome. The performances were all very good as well. Not a bad night all in all. Just say yes Billie... please!
Thought for the day:
'Are you gonna walk the walk of life with me?
Are you gonna see more than you dreamed you'd see?
Are you gonna walk hand in hand with me?
Can you be the one who sets my shadow free?
Are you gonna try and understand with me?
Are you gonna be the best that you can be?
Are you gonna walk the walk of life with me?'
Walk of Life. Billie Piper
Saturday, January 27
Sofa, so good
It's not really relevant to the show, but we did spend a lot of time talking about it...
Tonight, or rather last night as it is now, a few of us went out to celebrate goodie-goodie yum-yum's birthday. Just producer & secretary, director her & previous director and scud. We had food and drink and goodie-goodie yum-yum had presents and we had more food and drink and then we went back to her mansion and sat around on the floor. Well half of us did. Because she won't buy another sofa. Even though she could fit about ten in her lounge. She wants a chair. Three of us can't sit on one chair. Ah well, never mind. Don'tcha just love her.
Thursday night's rehearsal was great. We did the first four scenes of act two. Town crier kicks it all off and is hilarious. Secretary has now decided that she should be Welsh as the doorknocker. That's hilarious too. I got to do my drunken bit and get seduced by a woman in the street. I also got to do my scene with previous producer playing Mrs Keeble in the Job Centre. And The Ginger One, alias Mort, Albert and Ysabell got to do their fantastic scene where the story of Alberto Malich is revealed. I think director him and director her are enjoying it too. Lots of fun. We are having fun. Isn't it all fun. What fun.
Thought for the day:
'Sofa away from me,
Sofa I just can't see,
Sofa away from me,
You're sofa away from me'
Sofa Away. Mark Knopfler. Brothers In Arms. Dire Straits
Tonight, or rather last night as it is now, a few of us went out to celebrate goodie-goodie yum-yum's birthday. Just producer & secretary, director her & previous director and scud. We had food and drink and goodie-goodie yum-yum had presents and we had more food and drink and then we went back to her mansion and sat around on the floor. Well half of us did. Because she won't buy another sofa. Even though she could fit about ten in her lounge. She wants a chair. Three of us can't sit on one chair. Ah well, never mind. Don'tcha just love her.
Thursday night's rehearsal was great. We did the first four scenes of act two. Town crier kicks it all off and is hilarious. Secretary has now decided that she should be Welsh as the doorknocker. That's hilarious too. I got to do my drunken bit and get seduced by a woman in the street. I also got to do my scene with previous producer playing Mrs Keeble in the Job Centre. And The Ginger One, alias Mort, Albert and Ysabell got to do their fantastic scene where the story of Alberto Malich is revealed. I think director him and director her are enjoying it too. Lots of fun. We are having fun. Isn't it all fun. What fun.
Thought for the day:
'Sofa away from me,
Sofa I just can't see,
Sofa away from me,
You're sofa away from me'
Sofa Away. Mark Knopfler. Brothers In Arms. Dire Straits
Thursday, January 25
Football
Set building is very important. Let's face it, be it a pantomime or a Pratchett, Godspell or My Fair Lady, Stags & Hens or Outside Edge, the actors need somewhere to perform. From my point of view, there are very few excuses for not turning up to do what we call 'stagework' on the three Sundays before the show.
For some of us, with the complex nature of what we do, this now also includes the Friday night and Saturday of the last weekend as well. Two stag weekends have interrupted my participation in the past, but there is only one other thing as far as I am concerned which is allowed to get in the way. Football.
I am missing the second setbuild for this show, as I reminded a shocked director her when we went to pick up my mask. Producer, previous director, domefur, virtual dildo and another very special member of the group who is not involved in the show called scud will be in Berlin watching Hertha play Bayern Munich. I met the first four of these people through Cast and my friendship with the other has become reinforced since we have been there, so it is only right that we should all be allowed time off together for the great game. Of course.
Box office, dangerous, high priest, director him and producer geezer are among the many serious footie fans liable to disappear into the bar for slightly longer than it takes to get a drink when there is a big game on. Set man, not a fan, let's us get away with it because he knows we will put in the hours as required. Let's face it, we are the ones who will be doing the work at 1.30am once most of the rest are long gone.
But this isn't really anything new. It started back with Grease. With Albert and producer sneaking off like a pair of naughty schoolboys...
There we were, June 14 1992, banging some nails in to fix an 8x4 sheet of hardboard to a frame in order to build the side flats for the set:
'I can't believe we're here doing this and our second European Championships game kicks off in 10 minutes.'
'Do you think anyone would notice if we went off for a couple of hours?'
'Where would we watch it though?'
'I'm only down the road in Slough.'
'Right.'
Off we went - very quickly. We made it in time to sit down for the kick-off. England were as dull as possible. France were not a lot better. It ended 0-0. But the important thing is that we got to see it. After all, as the great Mr Shankly said: Football isn't a matter of life and death, it's more important than that...
Thought for the day: 'Chris WOODS, Stuart PEARCE, Martin KEOWN, Des WALKER, Carlton PALMER, Andy SINTON, David PLATT, David BATTY, Trevor STEVEN, Alan SHEARER, Gary LINEKER.' Hmmn there's a couple of worrying names in that list...
For some of us, with the complex nature of what we do, this now also includes the Friday night and Saturday of the last weekend as well. Two stag weekends have interrupted my participation in the past, but there is only one other thing as far as I am concerned which is allowed to get in the way. Football.
I am missing the second setbuild for this show, as I reminded a shocked director her when we went to pick up my mask. Producer, previous director, domefur, virtual dildo and another very special member of the group who is not involved in the show called scud will be in Berlin watching Hertha play Bayern Munich. I met the first four of these people through Cast and my friendship with the other has become reinforced since we have been there, so it is only right that we should all be allowed time off together for the great game. Of course.
Box office, dangerous, high priest, director him and producer geezer are among the many serious footie fans liable to disappear into the bar for slightly longer than it takes to get a drink when there is a big game on. Set man, not a fan, let's us get away with it because he knows we will put in the hours as required. Let's face it, we are the ones who will be doing the work at 1.30am once most of the rest are long gone.
But this isn't really anything new. It started back with Grease. With Albert and producer sneaking off like a pair of naughty schoolboys...
There we were, June 14 1992, banging some nails in to fix an 8x4 sheet of hardboard to a frame in order to build the side flats for the set:
'I can't believe we're here doing this and our second European Championships game kicks off in 10 minutes.'
'Do you think anyone would notice if we went off for a couple of hours?'
'Where would we watch it though?'
'I'm only down the road in Slough.'
'Right.'
Off we went - very quickly. We made it in time to sit down for the kick-off. England were as dull as possible. France were not a lot better. It ended 0-0. But the important thing is that we got to see it. After all, as the great Mr Shankly said: Football isn't a matter of life and death, it's more important than that...
Thought for the day: 'Chris WOODS, Stuart PEARCE, Martin KEOWN, Des WALKER, Carlton PALMER, Andy SINTON, David PLATT, David BATTY, Trevor STEVEN, Alan SHEARER, Gary LINEKER.' Hmmn there's a couple of worrying names in that list...
Wednesday, January 24
How it came to pass
What on earth led me to join this strange organisation. One that can take over your life and have you pulling your hair out. One that can drain and frustrate you. One that han reduce you to a nervous wreck worrying about the financial implications of everything you are doing. But also one that can give you some of the highest of highs and stretch your talents to new levels. And one that can provide you with some of the closest friend you will ever make. And in the case of producer here, enable you to meet your wife.
Well now.....
I'm a journalist. In my early years at the Windsor Express I worked with a woman... let's call her founder in Spain... and she was involved in another group, Riverside Players, in Old Windsor. She used to get me to review their shows for the paper, which included a memorable production of Grease for which I stupidly praised the actor who played Danny Zuko to high heaven. It would come back to haunt me later.
I carried on with the reviews even after she had left the paper. Then founder in Spain vanished. Well she and her husband, founder bloke I'll call him, had upped sticks and gone to Malta. I heard nothing of them for a long while.
Then one day.....
I was by now a sub-editor on the paper and took a call from this blast from the past. 'Hello,' said founder in Spain. 'I thought you might still be there. Can you put something in about our next show.' Having ascertained eventually that no, this wasn't Riverside Players, and yes, this was a new group in Colnbrook, I got a brief history of Colnbrook Amateur Stage Theatre.
She and founder bloke had come back from Malta and got together with another person from their Riverside past, I'll call her founder here, to set up Cast in October 1990. They and a few friends and some colleagues from the Surrey Herald newspaper, where founder in Spain was by now working, had formed a committee, thrown some cash together, written a script, recruited some more actors and put on their first production, Yet Another French Connection, in summer 1991. Among this group of Surrey Herald renegades were the man previously mentioned on these pages as Albert, a gentleman who can only be called domefur and that Danny Zuko I praised, who I have to refer to here as virtual dildo but won't explain why. And your imagination will take you in completely the wrong direction there.
When founder in Spain called me it was January 1992. A planned production of The Boyfriend had been dropped. She wanted me to advertise auditions for their next show in the paper. It was Grease. She told me I should come down.
I probably wouldn't have gone to the audition if it hadn't been for one of the other sub-editors, a bloke, saying we should. Well not just the two of us. The third sub editor, a girl, as well. And one of the reporters, now known here as Town Crier.
I rang her back and said we would be coming. She said it was something about newspaper people. We were all, advertising staff like her and the Surrey Herald lot or journalists like the four of us, natural exhibitionists who loved to be the centre of attention and always wanted to be on stage. Whatever the psychology of it, I am very, very glad she called.
Thought for the day: 'Let's start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start.' Do, Re, Mi. The Sound Of Music. Oh dearie me, that is both tame and obvious. Memo to self - come up with something a little more inspired tomorrow.
Well now.....
I'm a journalist. In my early years at the Windsor Express I worked with a woman... let's call her founder in Spain... and she was involved in another group, Riverside Players, in Old Windsor. She used to get me to review their shows for the paper, which included a memorable production of Grease for which I stupidly praised the actor who played Danny Zuko to high heaven. It would come back to haunt me later.
I carried on with the reviews even after she had left the paper. Then founder in Spain vanished. Well she and her husband, founder bloke I'll call him, had upped sticks and gone to Malta. I heard nothing of them for a long while.
Then one day.....
I was by now a sub-editor on the paper and took a call from this blast from the past. 'Hello,' said founder in Spain. 'I thought you might still be there. Can you put something in about our next show.' Having ascertained eventually that no, this wasn't Riverside Players, and yes, this was a new group in Colnbrook, I got a brief history of Colnbrook Amateur Stage Theatre.
She and founder bloke had come back from Malta and got together with another person from their Riverside past, I'll call her founder here, to set up Cast in October 1990. They and a few friends and some colleagues from the Surrey Herald newspaper, where founder in Spain was by now working, had formed a committee, thrown some cash together, written a script, recruited some more actors and put on their first production, Yet Another French Connection, in summer 1991. Among this group of Surrey Herald renegades were the man previously mentioned on these pages as Albert, a gentleman who can only be called domefur and that Danny Zuko I praised, who I have to refer to here as virtual dildo but won't explain why. And your imagination will take you in completely the wrong direction there.
When founder in Spain called me it was January 1992. A planned production of The Boyfriend had been dropped. She wanted me to advertise auditions for their next show in the paper. It was Grease. She told me I should come down.
I probably wouldn't have gone to the audition if it hadn't been for one of the other sub-editors, a bloke, saying we should. Well not just the two of us. The third sub editor, a girl, as well. And one of the reporters, now known here as Town Crier.
I rang her back and said we would be coming. She said it was something about newspaper people. We were all, advertising staff like her and the Surrey Herald lot or journalists like the four of us, natural exhibitionists who loved to be the centre of attention and always wanted to be on stage. Whatever the psychology of it, I am very, very glad she called.
Thought for the day: 'Let's start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start.' Do, Re, Mi. The Sound Of Music. Oh dearie me, that is both tame and obvious. Memo to self - come up with something a little more inspired tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 23
Missing all the fun and enjoying the party
Last night was a 'no' on the rehearsal schedule for me. Given my staff situation at work this week it was never going to happen. Got home very cold at 12.40am in the end. Not good.
Anyway, I hate missing all the fun. The rehearsals have been such a laugh so far. Serious work with everyone enjoying themselves. I have been in a couple of shows recently which didn't really fall into the 'fun' category. Director him and I are very strict about having fun. If you don't then it's off to the comedy club with you!
Director him sent out an email today praising everyone for what they have done so far. My sentiments entirely. The Ginger One wrote back agreeing and asking where the after-show party was being held. We all know that means he wants to have it at his place really. A bit obvious that one.
After-show parties are a big thing. Secretary and I have had two at our place; after Honk! and Snow White & The Seven Dwarves. The Honk! one was amazing. We had 42 people in our garden at one point, along with a gazebo which filled most of it and a barbeque which took up the rest of the space. It's not a very big garden...
High Priest holds the record for the highest number of after-show parties now. Two of our wonderful founders held loads over the years, but now he has the record i'm sure. I'll have to ask him. He's very good at keeping records.
All sorts of things happen at after-show parties, some of which will not be mentioned here, but suffice to say a number of relationships have started (including one which has led to marriage) in earnest at these unholy bashes. One or two have seen dramatic splits as well.
Over the years I have seen people in all states of ill-health. I have witnessed a man spend an entire night making guacamole from scratch. I have seen a man fall asleep hugging a large china hedgehog. I have enjoyed a man playing drums on a set of saucepans. And, notoriously, I have discovered that a large number of teenage members have drunk their way through an entire garage full of Smirnoff Ice before the person who they belonged to even got her hands on one.
These are the things which Cast is all about. There is a lot of history. Well sixteen and a half years of it to be precise, and next month I (along with secretary and Town Crier) will have been here for 15 of them. No where is that long service award I was promised five years ago?
Thought for the day: 'Celebration time, come on.' Used in Aladdin, I believe.
Anyway, I hate missing all the fun. The rehearsals have been such a laugh so far. Serious work with everyone enjoying themselves. I have been in a couple of shows recently which didn't really fall into the 'fun' category. Director him and I are very strict about having fun. If you don't then it's off to the comedy club with you!
Director him sent out an email today praising everyone for what they have done so far. My sentiments entirely. The Ginger One wrote back agreeing and asking where the after-show party was being held. We all know that means he wants to have it at his place really. A bit obvious that one.
After-show parties are a big thing. Secretary and I have had two at our place; after Honk! and Snow White & The Seven Dwarves. The Honk! one was amazing. We had 42 people in our garden at one point, along with a gazebo which filled most of it and a barbeque which took up the rest of the space. It's not a very big garden...
High Priest holds the record for the highest number of after-show parties now. Two of our wonderful founders held loads over the years, but now he has the record i'm sure. I'll have to ask him. He's very good at keeping records.
All sorts of things happen at after-show parties, some of which will not be mentioned here, but suffice to say a number of relationships have started (including one which has led to marriage) in earnest at these unholy bashes. One or two have seen dramatic splits as well.
Over the years I have seen people in all states of ill-health. I have witnessed a man spend an entire night making guacamole from scratch. I have seen a man fall asleep hugging a large china hedgehog. I have enjoyed a man playing drums on a set of saucepans. And, notoriously, I have discovered that a large number of teenage members have drunk their way through an entire garage full of Smirnoff Ice before the person who they belonged to even got her hands on one.
These are the things which Cast is all about. There is a lot of history. Well sixteen and a half years of it to be precise, and next month I (along with secretary and Town Crier) will have been here for 15 of them. No where is that long service award I was promised five years ago?
Thought for the day: 'Celebration time, come on.' Used in Aladdin, I believe.
Sunday, January 21
A fitting mask
I found out something very important on Saturday, but I'll save that until later. What I also found out was that the mask director her had seen for me was absolutely spot on. I got the train to Chertsey and had breakfast with director her and previous director (yep) in a regular haunt and then went to the magnificent mask shop.
Suffice to say that we were inspired to all say that CAST should hold another masked ball (our last one was something like six or seven years ago) and that we would then have an excuse to buy something quite ridiculous. As well as the obvious kind, they have everything from a crocodile to a demon, from the comedy and tragedy theatre masks to an enormous horse.
The real reason for the visit was to check the size of the DEATH skeleton mask they had, to make sure that I could use it. It was excellent, perfect width, but will need a little adjustment for length. The microphone will have to be fitted inside and we will have to pad it out at certain points, but it should look great. The eye sockets are huge, so set man will, we hope, be able to put blue lights in them. To help my breathing, we will drill some small holes through between some of the teeth and in the nostrils. It would be preferable if I didn't pass out while on stage... the costume under the stage lights will be a trifle warm so being able to breath might be a useful option.
When we did Wyrd Sisters, I only had to appear as DEATH in one scene. Director her made me a cool hooded cloak and I had an overhead mask. It was great for the one scene, but I couldn't see a thing. Being seriously short-sighted, any additonal complications to my vision once I have taken off my glasses are a bit of a hazard. I can't do contact lenses so it all gets to be rather amusing at times. The hardest part of this role is going to be moving around with all the clobber and still maintaining the correct air. I'm looking forward to developing the right head movements to indicate different emotions and thought processes. Plenty of time looking in the mirror lies ahead.
After we had bought the mask we went back to director her and previous director's house and I found out that important fact which I referred to at the start. Director her is, I can confirm, currently looking after a dog which sounds like a wookie. So much so, I think it is actually a wookie which has been to the mask shop and bought a doggie mask as part of a fabulous costume. I just hope mine is as convincing.
Thought for the day:
'Don't you come too close to me,
You're dangerous, can't you see,
You make the darkness mean more,
Than it did, ever did before.
It's a devil's disguise,
Angel in black,
And I recognise,
The face behind the mask.'
Behind The Mask by Christine Mc Vie from the album Behind The Mask by Fleetwood Mac
Suffice to say that we were inspired to all say that CAST should hold another masked ball (our last one was something like six or seven years ago) and that we would then have an excuse to buy something quite ridiculous. As well as the obvious kind, they have everything from a crocodile to a demon, from the comedy and tragedy theatre masks to an enormous horse.
The real reason for the visit was to check the size of the DEATH skeleton mask they had, to make sure that I could use it. It was excellent, perfect width, but will need a little adjustment for length. The microphone will have to be fitted inside and we will have to pad it out at certain points, but it should look great. The eye sockets are huge, so set man will, we hope, be able to put blue lights in them. To help my breathing, we will drill some small holes through between some of the teeth and in the nostrils. It would be preferable if I didn't pass out while on stage... the costume under the stage lights will be a trifle warm so being able to breath might be a useful option.
When we did Wyrd Sisters, I only had to appear as DEATH in one scene. Director her made me a cool hooded cloak and I had an overhead mask. It was great for the one scene, but I couldn't see a thing. Being seriously short-sighted, any additonal complications to my vision once I have taken off my glasses are a bit of a hazard. I can't do contact lenses so it all gets to be rather amusing at times. The hardest part of this role is going to be moving around with all the clobber and still maintaining the correct air. I'm looking forward to developing the right head movements to indicate different emotions and thought processes. Plenty of time looking in the mirror lies ahead.
After we had bought the mask we went back to director her and previous director's house and I found out that important fact which I referred to at the start. Director her is, I can confirm, currently looking after a dog which sounds like a wookie. So much so, I think it is actually a wookie which has been to the mask shop and bought a doggie mask as part of a fabulous costume. I just hope mine is as convincing.
Thought for the day:
'Don't you come too close to me,
You're dangerous, can't you see,
You make the darkness mean more,
Than it did, ever did before.
It's a devil's disguise,
Angel in black,
And I recognise,
The face behind the mask.'
Behind The Mask by Christine Mc Vie from the album Behind The Mask by Fleetwood Mac
Friday, January 19
The extra show
Told everyone before we started tonight about our plan for an extra show and they seemed up for it. Only one person has said they can't make it so far - but he's playing Walter the half-wit, Young King Olevre and the Landlord so those parts need to be sorted. All the main eight characters are available, as are box office, high priest and town crier who are the others with the most parts.
Keli clapped her hands, looked very excited and said she thought it would be great. Footnote was similarly full of joy. The ginger one, who, let's face it, does have a fairly important part to play in the title role, of course said he couldn't make it. And of course we believed him. Or maybe not.
He and I were a nightmare tonight. We succeeded in putting one another off our lines to an alarming degree, but when I have the mask on it should help as far as he is concerned.
Talking of the mask, I am going over to Chertsey on Saturday morning (for the ungodly hour of 9.30am) to meet director her and go to the shop where she has seen the perfect item. I can't wait to get it on and start practicing the head movements in the mirror.
Previous producer was sorting out costumes for people, getting them to try items on. Mainly the girlies. In pretty dresses. And they all looked luvlee. She found Rincewind's cloak of many stars and sequins and glistening bits. And then she and director her told Cutwell that he was going to wear it. That's not a nice thing to do. But standing there watching his face as he turned to go to try it on was rather amusing.
So all in all, plenty of laughs, a complete run through act one and a lot of useful tweaking from director him and director her. It all makes for an enjoyable evening.
Apart from the fact that we came home to find five fence panels blown down in the ridiculous wind today. And box office had a tree blow down in his front garden.
Thought for the day: 'The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind.' Robert Zimmerframe. Actually I love Dylan (not the Magic Roundabout one) but it's just too easy a line to miss. After all he's getting on a bit. But his last album was v.g.
Keli clapped her hands, looked very excited and said she thought it would be great. Footnote was similarly full of joy. The ginger one, who, let's face it, does have a fairly important part to play in the title role, of course said he couldn't make it. And of course we believed him. Or maybe not.
He and I were a nightmare tonight. We succeeded in putting one another off our lines to an alarming degree, but when I have the mask on it should help as far as he is concerned.
Talking of the mask, I am going over to Chertsey on Saturday morning (for the ungodly hour of 9.30am) to meet director her and go to the shop where she has seen the perfect item. I can't wait to get it on and start practicing the head movements in the mirror.
Previous producer was sorting out costumes for people, getting them to try items on. Mainly the girlies. In pretty dresses. And they all looked luvlee. She found Rincewind's cloak of many stars and sequins and glistening bits. And then she and director her told Cutwell that he was going to wear it. That's not a nice thing to do. But standing there watching his face as he turned to go to try it on was rather amusing.
So all in all, plenty of laughs, a complete run through act one and a lot of useful tweaking from director him and director her. It all makes for an enjoyable evening.
Apart from the fact that we came home to find five fence panels blown down in the ridiculous wind today. And box office had a tree blow down in his front garden.
Thought for the day: 'The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind.' Robert Zimmerframe. Actually I love Dylan (not the Magic Roundabout one) but it's just too easy a line to miss. After all he's getting on a bit. But his last album was v.g.
Thursday, January 18
Some complete ****
Sometimes things bring you down to earth. Two of our cast had their house broken into last night. I won't say who it was as they might not want me to publish the fact. What a ******* *******. She arrived home to find the patio doors smashed in. Nothing was taken, but it's a horrible feeling coming into your house knowing someone has been inside.
I've only been burgled once (2 speakers & a telly taken) and they came in through my back windows as well. I walked into the room and felt a combination of fear and anger in equal measure.
He's staying at home tonight to look after the house. She's coming down to rehearsal. It's a good thing as it might help take her mind off it for a little while. Poor them. It really is horrible.
Thought for the day: 'Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.' It's probably not exactly appropriate here, but she sent it to me the other day and I like it.
I've only been burgled once (2 speakers & a telly taken) and they came in through my back windows as well. I walked into the room and felt a combination of fear and anger in equal measure.
He's staying at home tonight to look after the house. She's coming down to rehearsal. It's a good thing as it might help take her mind off it for a little while. Poor them. It really is horrible.
Thought for the day: 'Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.' It's probably not exactly appropriate here, but she sent it to me the other day and I like it.
Strange but true
Director her is looking after a dog which sounds like a wookie. Cutwell will be the gayest wizard in the village with gold rubber hot pants and leather straps under his wizard's cloak. Ysabell will be pursued around the stage by a giant pink bunny. And box office will play the abbot wearing only a pair of white underpants underneath his hooded cassock. These and many more items were discussed at our production meeting tonight. Or yesterday if you want to be pedantic. It's now 12.30.
In actual fact only the first of those items is true. Sorry. We did actually do a lot of useful stuff tonight. Publicity. Costumes. Box office. The set construction. Props. Sound & light. All of it was touched on to a greater or lesser degree.
Best bits are: Set man has worked out how to do the scythe and sword for DEATH so that they have a blue light along the edge; producer geezer has been in touch with Warwick Castle to see whether they would let us do a photo shoot there; directorhim has been able to come up with a feasible budget which allows £500 for costumes, £100 for props and £250 for the set; best of all director him's mum is going to make DEATH's costume, and she's fab!
Most importantly though, after discussions at the committee meeting last week about revenue and likely ticket sales, we agreed to still do the show as a supper night, but to add in a Saturday matinee - provided all the main characters can make it. Should any of those playing the other smaller parts be unable to be there then producer geezer, director him and director her will take over.
At this moment in time we have all the bases covered and everyone knows what needs to be done. Producer will be sending out notes tomorrow. We are where we should be with the show with nine weeks to go until opening night.
You know, it's a shame about the giant pink bunny. I quite like that idea. She is going to have a bunny though. It will be pink. It will be fluffy. It's just that it will only be bunny size. Never mind eh!
Thought for the day: 'Midnight - that would just be fine. Rain or shine - it wouldn't change my mind. I-I-I-always find the time.' Always Find The Time. Rhythm Of Love. Kylie
In actual fact only the first of those items is true. Sorry. We did actually do a lot of useful stuff tonight. Publicity. Costumes. Box office. The set construction. Props. Sound & light. All of it was touched on to a greater or lesser degree.
Best bits are: Set man has worked out how to do the scythe and sword for DEATH so that they have a blue light along the edge; producer geezer has been in touch with Warwick Castle to see whether they would let us do a photo shoot there; directorhim has been able to come up with a feasible budget which allows £500 for costumes, £100 for props and £250 for the set; best of all director him's mum is going to make DEATH's costume, and she's fab!
Most importantly though, after discussions at the committee meeting last week about revenue and likely ticket sales, we agreed to still do the show as a supper night, but to add in a Saturday matinee - provided all the main characters can make it. Should any of those playing the other smaller parts be unable to be there then producer geezer, director him and director her will take over.
At this moment in time we have all the bases covered and everyone knows what needs to be done. Producer will be sending out notes tomorrow. We are where we should be with the show with nine weeks to go until opening night.
You know, it's a shame about the giant pink bunny. I quite like that idea. She is going to have a bunny though. It will be pink. It will be fluffy. It's just that it will only be bunny size. Never mind eh!
Thought for the day: 'Midnight - that would just be fine. Rain or shine - it wouldn't change my mind. I-I-I-always find the time.' Always Find The Time. Rhythm Of Love. Kylie
Tuesday, January 16
Important correction
Director her did not drink an entire bottle of port the night before our AGM last summer. Nor is she an alcoholic. It was only half a bottle of port... ish. I was told off by email on Friday and hadn't spotted it until I got back from rehearsal tonight.
I made it to the hall before 10pm, which gave me the chance to go through my scene for tonight three or four times in the last hour. It was a relatively straightforward one - only three pages of script. We have now completed the first act and will run through the whole thing on Thursday from the beginning. I honestly can't remember the last time we managed to keep on target with a rehearsal schedule.
Tomorrow night I have a meeting in Addlestone for a completely different show - yes, I am bonkers. Producer geezer is organising it and The Ginger One and Albert are also involved. Then we have a Mort production meeting at our pad on Wednesday and rehearsal on Thursday. Oh yes, not much happening really. Secretary asked me how I think up the stuff to write so much here. Hmmmn. I think the thought for the day can be a famous one this time...
Thought for the day: 'I don't really feel my poems are mine at all. I didn't create them out of nothing; I owe them all to other people.' Robert Graves.
I made it to the hall before 10pm, which gave me the chance to go through my scene for tonight three or four times in the last hour. It was a relatively straightforward one - only three pages of script. We have now completed the first act and will run through the whole thing on Thursday from the beginning. I honestly can't remember the last time we managed to keep on target with a rehearsal schedule.
Tomorrow night I have a meeting in Addlestone for a completely different show - yes, I am bonkers. Producer geezer is organising it and The Ginger One and Albert are also involved. Then we have a Mort production meeting at our pad on Wednesday and rehearsal on Thursday. Oh yes, not much happening really. Secretary asked me how I think up the stuff to write so much here. Hmmmn. I think the thought for the day can be a famous one this time...
Thought for the day: 'I don't really feel my poems are mine at all. I didn't create them out of nothing; I owe them all to other people.' Robert Graves.
Monday, January 15
Just another manic monday
Mondays are a nightmare. Busiest day at work. Papers come out on Wednesday. Deadline is lunchtime Tuesday. Most of the work happens on a Monday. I had hoped that by now a planned change to move our publication day to a Thursday would have gone through. We first discussed it in August. Hey-ho. It would make my busiest day a Tuesday. What would that mean? Well, for one thing, it would mean that I could get to all our rehearsals without a mad panic and stress. stress, stress.
I've gone through the rehearsal schedule with director her and director him and pointed out the problem weeks to them. I have already booked a long weekend for February 16-19. This will enable a) secretary and me to get a couple of nights away as a late valentine's trip, b) the two of us to go on to my parents to give my father another computing lesson (he really needs them) and c) me to be at the rehearsal that Monday on time.
Shows involve a lot of time off anyway. Especially when you are either heavily involved in the production/direction side or have a large part. Hmmmn. That'll be ticks in both boxes then. I'm off the whole week of the show, the Friday before and the Monday afterwards. Why? I'll tell you another time. The pics I was waiting for have turned up.
Thought for the day: 'When you're racing with the clock...' The Pajama Game
I've gone through the rehearsal schedule with director her and director him and pointed out the problem weeks to them. I have already booked a long weekend for February 16-19. This will enable a) secretary and me to get a couple of nights away as a late valentine's trip, b) the two of us to go on to my parents to give my father another computing lesson (he really needs them) and c) me to be at the rehearsal that Monday on time.
Shows involve a lot of time off anyway. Especially when you are either heavily involved in the production/direction side or have a large part. Hmmmn. That'll be ticks in both boxes then. I'm off the whole week of the show, the Friday before and the Monday afterwards. Why? I'll tell you another time. The pics I was waiting for have turned up.
Thought for the day: 'When you're racing with the clock...' The Pajama Game
Friday, January 12
Any port in a storm
She had been drinking. She came to the phone.
'We should put forward another Pratchett', she said. 'Men At Arms? No, too many boys parts. Guards Guards? Same.'
'How about The Truth?' I said.
'No, I don't really like that one', she said
There was a pause
'Mort,' she said. 'We'll do Mort. I'll direct it and you'll help me.'
Thus, at 1am the night before our AGM, decisions are made.
If you have visited www.cast-online.org.uk then you will know that we do a summer musical, a Christmas pantomime and a spring play each year. At our AGM each summer the decisions are made as to which show we are going to do for each of the three slots. Last summer, the night before the AGM, I spent the best part of three hours on the phone to previous director, who as you may remember is also chairman. No-one else was going to put forward a musical, so we decided we should put forward six ourselves, to give people something to choose from.
Now you can't just do any old show. First of all it has to be available - not in the West End or on a national tour. You have to be able to stage it. It has to have a decent balance of parts. So there we were, on the opposite ends of a phone line trying to come up with a list. We picked 12 and whittled it down by a process of eliminating one out of every similar pair. We chose Jack The Ripper - The Musical (yes, really) over Jekyll & Hyde. We picked The Boyfriend rather than The Pyjama Game. We selected Return To The Forbidden Planet not Saucy Jack & The Space Vixens. We decided on Oklahoma instead of Carousel.
Anyway, in amongst all our chat and decision making, director her was passing raucous comments in the background while drinking her way through a large quantity of port. And then chairman put the phone down to go to look for something and she picked it up... and the rest is history.
In actual fact, director him and I had been talking about him doing a Pratchett, but not until the following year - he wanted to pick up more experience on the way. Over the eight years since we did Wyrd Sisters under director her's guidance, I have been trying to get her to do another one. Those magic words: 'We'll do Mort. I'll direct it and you'll help me,' were followed on my part, very quickly, by an indication that director him should work with director her, while I became producer.
All this depended on the members voting it in. Our opposition was an Agatha Christie being put forward by box office. Until that night I had been right up for the idea. Then came director her's bottle of port. Mort was voted in and director her suddenly realised what she had done. Fantastic.
For the record, Return To The Forbidden Planet narrowly beat Jack The Ripper - The Musical as choice for the summer musical, which chairman and I will do together. Sleeping Beauty will be this year's panto, directed by box office and produced by secretary.
Thought for the day: ' The rougher the passage, the more welcome the port.' Proverb. By some person who writes proverbs. Probably
'We should put forward another Pratchett', she said. 'Men At Arms? No, too many boys parts. Guards Guards? Same.'
'How about The Truth?' I said.
'No, I don't really like that one', she said
There was a pause
'Mort,' she said. 'We'll do Mort. I'll direct it and you'll help me.'
Thus, at 1am the night before our AGM, decisions are made.
If you have visited www.cast-online.org.uk then you will know that we do a summer musical, a Christmas pantomime and a spring play each year. At our AGM each summer the decisions are made as to which show we are going to do for each of the three slots. Last summer, the night before the AGM, I spent the best part of three hours on the phone to previous director, who as you may remember is also chairman. No-one else was going to put forward a musical, so we decided we should put forward six ourselves, to give people something to choose from.
Now you can't just do any old show. First of all it has to be available - not in the West End or on a national tour. You have to be able to stage it. It has to have a decent balance of parts. So there we were, on the opposite ends of a phone line trying to come up with a list. We picked 12 and whittled it down by a process of eliminating one out of every similar pair. We chose Jack The Ripper - The Musical (yes, really) over Jekyll & Hyde. We picked The Boyfriend rather than The Pyjama Game. We selected Return To The Forbidden Planet not Saucy Jack & The Space Vixens. We decided on Oklahoma instead of Carousel.
Anyway, in amongst all our chat and decision making, director her was passing raucous comments in the background while drinking her way through a large quantity of port. And then chairman put the phone down to go to look for something and she picked it up... and the rest is history.
In actual fact, director him and I had been talking about him doing a Pratchett, but not until the following year - he wanted to pick up more experience on the way. Over the eight years since we did Wyrd Sisters under director her's guidance, I have been trying to get her to do another one. Those magic words: 'We'll do Mort. I'll direct it and you'll help me,' were followed on my part, very quickly, by an indication that director him should work with director her, while I became producer.
All this depended on the members voting it in. Our opposition was an Agatha Christie being put forward by box office. Until that night I had been right up for the idea. Then came director her's bottle of port. Mort was voted in and director her suddenly realised what she had done. Fantastic.
For the record, Return To The Forbidden Planet narrowly beat Jack The Ripper - The Musical as choice for the summer musical, which chairman and I will do together. Sleeping Beauty will be this year's panto, directed by box office and produced by secretary.
Thought for the day: ' The rougher the passage, the more welcome the port.' Proverb. By some person who writes proverbs. Probably
Tommy tank extra sausage
Well really. What else is Ankh-Morpork all about? TP was guffawing into his Coco Pops at breakfast on the morning he came up with that one. And scene 10. All that stuff about 'prying and poking' and Mort going blind reading the books about 'young wimmen'. What's going on, for heaven's sake.
Tonight's rehearsal was quite amusing. We had town crier being very town crier, ringing his bell and waving his hands around in the way only he can. We had goodie-goodie yum-yum doing her thing for the first time. We had box office being ridiculously monastic as Abbot Lobsang. Doorknocker had her first line. And Albert discovered that bacalavas get more laughs than balaclavas.
Sat down with producer geezer in the bar for half an hour while DEATH wasn't on stage and sorted out some of the stuff for publicity. Loads of ideas between us. He's going to tackle lots more papers. Also examined supper night options, an issue which was discussed in great detail at last night's committee meeting. There are 'do we, don't we' questions. There are pricing questions. There are also questions now about the number of performances. That's more, not less. Producer geezer has also taken on the challenge of finding us a castle. But more of that at a later date.
All this and more will be decided at next week's production meeting, taking place at our residence on Wednesday.
Thought for the day: 'Anybody like a nice hot sausage' Dibbler, alias director him. Scene one. Mort
Tonight's rehearsal was quite amusing. We had town crier being very town crier, ringing his bell and waving his hands around in the way only he can. We had goodie-goodie yum-yum doing her thing for the first time. We had box office being ridiculously monastic as Abbot Lobsang. Doorknocker had her first line. And Albert discovered that bacalavas get more laughs than balaclavas.
Sat down with producer geezer in the bar for half an hour while DEATH wasn't on stage and sorted out some of the stuff for publicity. Loads of ideas between us. He's going to tackle lots more papers. Also examined supper night options, an issue which was discussed in great detail at last night's committee meeting. There are 'do we, don't we' questions. There are pricing questions. There are also questions now about the number of performances. That's more, not less. Producer geezer has also taken on the challenge of finding us a castle. But more of that at a later date.
All this and more will be decided at next week's production meeting, taking place at our residence on Wednesday.
Thought for the day: 'Anybody like a nice hot sausage' Dibbler, alias director him. Scene one. Mort
Wednesday, January 10
Charting the territory
Turned on my work email today to find a pile of messages from director her and director him. They were the final revised versions of the rehearsal schedule and cast flow chart (very pretty - I was quite pleased with that one) plus the contacts list. A couple of amendments and they were ready to go. Oh and one email address which didn't make sense. From town crier. Not a surprise I'm afraid.
Also got an email from the male half of the 'friends' couple at whose house we spent New Year's Eve. He objected to the fact that they were just referred to as 'friends'. As a result of that email they will now be referred to as sword man and pregnant wizard. That last name may be of news to some people. Needless to say we're all delighted about it. When pregnant wizard was last expecting she spent the prior show parading around as a giraffe. A fact that doesn't seem to have scarred their lovely daughter for life, as you might have expected.
Need to sort out a production meeting. In fact if producer geezer, director him and director her had been at the theatre last night we could have had one in the bar. All of the rest of us were there. Oh and previous director. Who is technical director. And chairman. And married to...
Need to get the radio ad sorted. Must talk to producer geezer to find out what the score is. He wants to get director her, director him and producer together to script and record it.
Off to committee meeting now.
Thought for the day: 'See my baby jive.' Wizzard. (Nice one eh!) Oh and you do spell it ('spell' it - geddit eh? I'm on form here) with two z's. Check if you don't believe me.
Also got an email from the male half of the 'friends' couple at whose house we spent New Year's Eve. He objected to the fact that they were just referred to as 'friends'. As a result of that email they will now be referred to as sword man and pregnant wizard. That last name may be of news to some people. Needless to say we're all delighted about it. When pregnant wizard was last expecting she spent the prior show parading around as a giraffe. A fact that doesn't seem to have scarred their lovely daughter for life, as you might have expected.
Need to sort out a production meeting. In fact if producer geezer, director him and director her had been at the theatre last night we could have had one in the bar. All of the rest of us were there. Oh and previous director. Who is technical director. And chairman. And married to...
Need to get the radio ad sorted. Must talk to producer geezer to find out what the score is. He wants to get director her, director him and producer together to script and record it.
Off to committee meeting now.
Thought for the day: 'See my baby jive.' Wizzard. (Nice one eh!) Oh and you do spell it ('spell' it - geddit eh? I'm on form here) with two z's. Check if you don't believe me.
Tuesday, January 9
We're underway
First rehearsal last night. Good fun. Plenty for everyone to do in scenes four and one, so it made for a good atmosphere with everyone feeling involved. Well everyone apart from secretary that is. Doorknocker is only in three scenes and as the part involves having your face covered in bronze make up, then taking on any other role is impractical. So she spent the evening having a good old chat to set man. About fashion and lifts among other items I believe.
Mort and DEATH are kept quite busy in all the scenes we did last night (one to five) so I and the ginger one had a good laugh. We will need to arrange a few rehearsals between the two of us, and maybe one or two with Albert & maybe Ysabell. The plan for last night was to do scenes one to four, so bashing through scene five as well was a bonus.
On Sunday, while producer was visiting parents, director her and director him had a meeting to do basic blocking of scenes one to eight and sort out rehearsal schedule. The schedule isn't perfect for me but there are ways of getting around a number of potential problems.
We have had two people pull out; gothic bloke and blonde girl, both could have been very good, but didn't want the smaller roles they were given. Much as I hate to see anyone go though, it actually helps us out, as it reduces the number of people in the show to 21, which is what we really wanted. It means that everyone has a reasonable amout of stuff to do. We have juggled things around and it all seems to fit well so far.
Tonight I went to see The Unexpected Guest at the Theatre Royal in Windsor with secretary, previous producer, set man, box office and high priest. Box office was very pleased with himself as he managed to correctly predict the outcome when we were in the bar at the interval. Previous producer had never been there before. I think she might like to go again. But not in the same seats. We were in the rear circle. One row from the very top of the entire theatre. Jolly steep.
Sadly, all six of us are on the Cast committee. This means we will see one another again tomorrow - as it's our six-weekly meeting. Then we shall see one another again on Thursday at rehearsal. Thank God tonight wasn't a Cast social, just the few of us enjoying a good night out. Otherwise people would think we were extremely sad. Hmmmmn.
Thought for the day: 'I hope you're sitting comfortably, I saved you the best seat in the house.' Messiah Ward. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Mort and DEATH are kept quite busy in all the scenes we did last night (one to five) so I and the ginger one had a good laugh. We will need to arrange a few rehearsals between the two of us, and maybe one or two with Albert & maybe Ysabell. The plan for last night was to do scenes one to four, so bashing through scene five as well was a bonus.
On Sunday, while producer was visiting parents, director her and director him had a meeting to do basic blocking of scenes one to eight and sort out rehearsal schedule. The schedule isn't perfect for me but there are ways of getting around a number of potential problems.
We have had two people pull out; gothic bloke and blonde girl, both could have been very good, but didn't want the smaller roles they were given. Much as I hate to see anyone go though, it actually helps us out, as it reduces the number of people in the show to 21, which is what we really wanted. It means that everyone has a reasonable amout of stuff to do. We have juggled things around and it all seems to fit well so far.
Tonight I went to see The Unexpected Guest at the Theatre Royal in Windsor with secretary, previous producer, set man, box office and high priest. Box office was very pleased with himself as he managed to correctly predict the outcome when we were in the bar at the interval. Previous producer had never been there before. I think she might like to go again. But not in the same seats. We were in the rear circle. One row from the very top of the entire theatre. Jolly steep.
Sadly, all six of us are on the Cast committee. This means we will see one another again tomorrow - as it's our six-weekly meeting. Then we shall see one another again on Thursday at rehearsal. Thank God tonight wasn't a Cast social, just the few of us enjoying a good night out. Otherwise people would think we were extremely sad. Hmmmmn.
Thought for the day: 'I hope you're sitting comfortably, I saved you the best seat in the house.' Messiah Ward. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Friday, January 5
Sleeping on it
A phone call from director her and an email from director him revealed one thing this morning; we were all very tired and had trouble getting to sleep last night, running through all the decisions over and over again in our heads until we eventually nodded off.Then this morning we woke up and were all happy about the decisions we had made.
The juggling of non-speaking roles remains to be perfected. We have to firmly establish whether we have the right number of guards, servants, guests and villagers in the crowd scenes. We made one minor boo-boo last night when we were shuffling things around, but director him worked out how to resolve it this morning with a stroke of genius.
I drew up a spreadsheet (previous producer - otherwise known as Keeble - would be proud of me) to map the flow of the parts, speaking and non-speaking, each person has under the allocation we have currently. Director her and director him will have a meeting on Sunday to sort out any adjustments. I shall be at my parents for the weekend so will have to be included by conference call.
I'm pleased by the way the three of us have been working together as a unit. We seem to be of like mind as to how we want the whole show to progress. Decisions never get made by a process of osmosis, but at the moment you could believe they are.
To wit, the way last night that we all managed instantaneously to reach the same decision was great; be it a definate instant verdict on who should get a part, or a desire to give people a second fuller opportunity to show what they could do, or a decision to see people again in twos or threes to see how they worked together.
So that's the first fence jumped, but there are many more ahead. Beechers' Brook and The Chair lie in waiting.
Thought for the day: 'Never underestimate The Power of Three' Charmed (obviously - well it had to come out sooner or later...)
The juggling of non-speaking roles remains to be perfected. We have to firmly establish whether we have the right number of guards, servants, guests and villagers in the crowd scenes. We made one minor boo-boo last night when we were shuffling things around, but director him worked out how to resolve it this morning with a stroke of genius.
I drew up a spreadsheet (previous producer - otherwise known as Keeble - would be proud of me) to map the flow of the parts, speaking and non-speaking, each person has under the allocation we have currently. Director her and director him will have a meeting on Sunday to sort out any adjustments. I shall be at my parents for the weekend so will have to be included by conference call.
I'm pleased by the way the three of us have been working together as a unit. We seem to be of like mind as to how we want the whole show to progress. Decisions never get made by a process of osmosis, but at the moment you could believe they are.
To wit, the way last night that we all managed instantaneously to reach the same decision was great; be it a definate instant verdict on who should get a part, or a desire to give people a second fuller opportunity to show what they could do, or a decision to see people again in twos or threes to see how they worked together.
So that's the first fence jumped, but there are many more ahead. Beechers' Brook and The Chair lie in waiting.
Thought for the day: 'Never underestimate The Power of Three' Charmed (obviously - well it had to come out sooner or later...)
The nightmare is over
It's all cast. Some people are very, very happy, some are disappointed. Some are surprised, others got what they might have expected. As for me, well I got THE PART, but by default in many ways. Rival emailed director him today saying that he wouldn't be auditioning due to work commitments and the other people who read for it were better at other parts. Anyway, I am one of the very, very happy ones.
Director him got a first taste of what casting is like. It is his first show as a producer or director and I think he was quite surprised at what he found himself saying and doing. It's not a case of picking the 10 people you would most like to invite to a dinner party, you have to be detached and make your judgement on the basis of what will work on stage. He grasped that concept just as well as director her or producer. We have ended up with the best cast possible and, after seeing some people two or three times for certain roles, were all in agreement over who should do what.
We've got someone doing their first show as Cutwell, two people who haven't done a show for four years as Ysabell and Albert and someone doing her first play as Keli. Then in the other main roles we have a regular as Footnote, secretary as Doorknocker, producer as DEATH, and some ginger bloke of ill repute as Mort.
Telling everyone is a nightmare, but we didn't cop out and announce the parts all at once or by email, we told each person individually before letting the group know. Director her did it the same way for Wyrd Sisters.
So we march onwards and upwards. Rehearsals begin on Monday. We have 20 between now and show week. That's just 60 hours to get everything perfect. It's not long...
Thought for the day: 'Onwards and upwards. The inside is bigger than the outside.' The Last Battle. CS Lewis.
Director him got a first taste of what casting is like. It is his first show as a producer or director and I think he was quite surprised at what he found himself saying and doing. It's not a case of picking the 10 people you would most like to invite to a dinner party, you have to be detached and make your judgement on the basis of what will work on stage. He grasped that concept just as well as director her or producer. We have ended up with the best cast possible and, after seeing some people two or three times for certain roles, were all in agreement over who should do what.
We've got someone doing their first show as Cutwell, two people who haven't done a show for four years as Ysabell and Albert and someone doing her first play as Keli. Then in the other main roles we have a regular as Footnote, secretary as Doorknocker, producer as DEATH, and some ginger bloke of ill repute as Mort.
Telling everyone is a nightmare, but we didn't cop out and announce the parts all at once or by email, we told each person individually before letting the group know. Director her did it the same way for Wyrd Sisters.
So we march onwards and upwards. Rehearsals begin on Monday. We have 20 between now and show week. That's just 60 hours to get everything perfect. It's not long...
Thought for the day: 'Onwards and upwards. The inside is bigger than the outside.' The Last Battle. CS Lewis.
Thursday, January 4
Geezer gets us going
A five minute phone call to producer geezer revealed that he has sorted out an agreement with Time 106.6 FM to record an ad for Mort which will be broadcast twice a day for the next three months. He's also got a regular slot lined up in the Slough Express and is contacting the Slough Observer tomorrow. Publicising Mort is going to be tricky. If you are a Pratchett fan, the single word will instantly provoke interest. If you are not... well that's where producer geezer will need to use all his talents.
After all, when it comes down to it, Discworld stories can be a little complicated to the uninitiated. For example, trying to explain the fact that the librarian at the Unseen University is an orang-utan is quite tricky. Any attempt to tell people about a Pratchett story unually involves an awful lot of subordinate clauses and contorted sentences.
I have absolutely no doubt that we will be able to sell out the show - it's 320 tickets when we have a supper night, which means £2,240 in takings if we shift them all. The tickets are £10 but £3 of that pays for the fish & chips, so it's £7 revenue per person. Judging by the number of people we are expecting to audition and cast (between 20 and 25?) we are only going to be looking at cast and crew selling one table each.
Next up will be the budget. Director him happens to be treasurer too, so we should have no problem there. We have got a number of other potential sources of income to include as well. The biggest expense is probably going to be on the set, but the recent acquisitions set man has made have been real money savers.
Anyway, by this time tomorrow.....
Thought for the day: 'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...' Mr Bardy again.
After all, when it comes down to it, Discworld stories can be a little complicated to the uninitiated. For example, trying to explain the fact that the librarian at the Unseen University is an orang-utan is quite tricky. Any attempt to tell people about a Pratchett story unually involves an awful lot of subordinate clauses and contorted sentences.
I have absolutely no doubt that we will be able to sell out the show - it's 320 tickets when we have a supper night, which means £2,240 in takings if we shift them all. The tickets are £10 but £3 of that pays for the fish & chips, so it's £7 revenue per person. Judging by the number of people we are expecting to audition and cast (between 20 and 25?) we are only going to be looking at cast and crew selling one table each.
Next up will be the budget. Director him happens to be treasurer too, so we should have no problem there. We have got a number of other potential sources of income to include as well. The biggest expense is probably going to be on the set, but the recent acquisitions set man has made have been real money savers.
Anyway, by this time tomorrow.....
Thought for the day: 'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...' Mr Bardy again.
Wednesday, January 3
Polishing piles of poo
Apparently in my job (I'm a newspaper editor) I am used to 'sifting through piles of sh1t until everything looks polished'. Well according to director him that is. Why are we on this topic? Well someone has to play Cyrus the cess-pit cleaner, don't they!
This discussion began with a conversation about the advice about characterisation we were giving to those who sought it prior to the auditions. One person has asked both director her and director him for guideance - and maybe had different answers! Last night I suggested to director her that if I didn't get THE PART then I would only be able to do something where I wasn't on at the same time because HE needs to be the tallest person on the stage. Which is where Cyrus came in.
Foolishly I asked director him and director her what advice they would give to me if I was to play that part... Which takes us back to where we started. Carte blanche for an open season on all things toilet related. Oh and I should add before we go any further that we usually have to unblock the drains at Colnbrook Village Hall (where we perform) a couple of times a year. There's no caretaker, so the lot falls upon us. If you get my meaning.
So here is the advice:
"Make sure you have had a good swim around in a cess pit - to get the flavour of the charater."
"Wear a snorkel and nose plugs. That is how I would do the job anyway."
"Whoever gets the part now has to go and sort out any drainage blockages that might occur at CVH in order to make sure they really understand their part. :))"
Plus the stuff about being an editor.
Thank the Lord that I didn't ask set man or dangerous (set man's Portsmouth-based sidekick). All sorts of gags about bumper books of crosswords would have come back at me. I'll explain why another time. Maybe when we get around to set build.
Thought for the day: Gutter jounalism. Fireplace toilets. Dr Livingstone I presume. Steptoe & son. Gordon Bennett Oh yes, there is a link between all five of those things. Here goes....
James Gordon Bennett was a real person, or rather two real people. The elder James Gordon Bennett was born in Scotland in 1795 and emigrated to the USA, eventually becoming a journalist and founding the New York Herald in 1835. The paper flourished to become the number one in the city. But Bennett's was criticized for his 'gutter press' methods. In 1836, in a pre-cursor to tabloid cheque book journalism, he published a notice offering to reward any woman who 'will set a trap for a Presbyterian parson, and catch one of them flagrante delicito'.
James Gordon Bennett Jr. inherited his father's talents for journalism and controversy, not to mention his multi-million dollar estate - and he's the one the phrase refers to. He took over control of the New York Herald in 1866.
He has the unenviable record, as bestowed by the Guinness Book of Records, of the 'Greatest Engagement Faux Pas', for the manner in which his engagement to the socialite Caroline May was broken off in 1877. At the 1877 New Year's party held by his fiancee's father, he became so drunk that he mistook the fireplace for a toilet and urinated in it in front of his hosts and their guests. Needless to say, the marriage didn't go ahead.
This didn't stop him being an successful and innovative journalist though. He invested heavily in developing on his father's news empire. In 1868, with the simple brief of 'find Livingstone' he sent the travelling correspondent of the New York Herald - Henry Morton Stanley, to track down and interview David Livingstone in Africa. After a long search Stanley was ready to give up but was encouraged by Bennett which, when he eventually located his prey on the shores of Lake Tanganyika, resulted in what has become one of the most famous of all journalistic lines - "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"
From 1877 Bennett lived in Europe and died in 1918. The expletive 'Gordon Bennett' is a version of 'Gor blimey', which is itself a euphemistic version of 'God blind me'. That, combined with Bennett's outrageous lifestyle and newsworthy stunts, is sufficient to explain why his name was picked out.
But the earliest known use of the phrase in print is in the script for a 1962 episode of the BBC comedy 'Steptoe and Son' - The Bird:
Harold: Well that's that then. I said "That's that then".
Albert: What's that then?
Harold: That is! I've finished for the day!
Albert: Have you fed the horse?
Harold: Of course I've fed the horse - I wouldn't have said "That's that then" if I hadn't.
Albert: You wrapped him up?
Harold: Yes I have wrapped him up. Look when I say "That's that then" it means I've done it all, it means I've finished. Gordon Bennett, if you don't know that after all these years.
Phew!!! I think that explains it all... I told you that if you read this every day you would learn something.
This discussion began with a conversation about the advice about characterisation we were giving to those who sought it prior to the auditions. One person has asked both director her and director him for guideance - and maybe had different answers! Last night I suggested to director her that if I didn't get THE PART then I would only be able to do something where I wasn't on at the same time because HE needs to be the tallest person on the stage. Which is where Cyrus came in.
Foolishly I asked director him and director her what advice they would give to me if I was to play that part... Which takes us back to where we started. Carte blanche for an open season on all things toilet related. Oh and I should add before we go any further that we usually have to unblock the drains at Colnbrook Village Hall (where we perform) a couple of times a year. There's no caretaker, so the lot falls upon us. If you get my meaning.
So here is the advice:
"Make sure you have had a good swim around in a cess pit - to get the flavour of the charater."
"Wear a snorkel and nose plugs. That is how I would do the job anyway."
"Whoever gets the part now has to go and sort out any drainage blockages that might occur at CVH in order to make sure they really understand their part. :))"
Plus the stuff about being an editor.
Thank the Lord that I didn't ask set man or dangerous (set man's Portsmouth-based sidekick). All sorts of gags about bumper books of crosswords would have come back at me. I'll explain why another time. Maybe when we get around to set build.
Thought for the day: Gutter jounalism. Fireplace toilets. Dr Livingstone I presume. Steptoe & son. Gordon Bennett Oh yes, there is a link between all five of those things. Here goes....
James Gordon Bennett was a real person, or rather two real people. The elder James Gordon Bennett was born in Scotland in 1795 and emigrated to the USA, eventually becoming a journalist and founding the New York Herald in 1835. The paper flourished to become the number one in the city. But Bennett's was criticized for his 'gutter press' methods. In 1836, in a pre-cursor to tabloid cheque book journalism, he published a notice offering to reward any woman who 'will set a trap for a Presbyterian parson, and catch one of them flagrante delicito'.
James Gordon Bennett Jr. inherited his father's talents for journalism and controversy, not to mention his multi-million dollar estate - and he's the one the phrase refers to. He took over control of the New York Herald in 1866.
He has the unenviable record, as bestowed by the Guinness Book of Records, of the 'Greatest Engagement Faux Pas', for the manner in which his engagement to the socialite Caroline May was broken off in 1877. At the 1877 New Year's party held by his fiancee's father, he became so drunk that he mistook the fireplace for a toilet and urinated in it in front of his hosts and their guests. Needless to say, the marriage didn't go ahead.
This didn't stop him being an successful and innovative journalist though. He invested heavily in developing on his father's news empire. In 1868, with the simple brief of 'find Livingstone' he sent the travelling correspondent of the New York Herald - Henry Morton Stanley, to track down and interview David Livingstone in Africa. After a long search Stanley was ready to give up but was encouraged by Bennett which, when he eventually located his prey on the shores of Lake Tanganyika, resulted in what has become one of the most famous of all journalistic lines - "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"
From 1877 Bennett lived in Europe and died in 1918. The expletive 'Gordon Bennett' is a version of 'Gor blimey', which is itself a euphemistic version of 'God blind me'. That, combined with Bennett's outrageous lifestyle and newsworthy stunts, is sufficient to explain why his name was picked out.
But the earliest known use of the phrase in print is in the script for a 1962 episode of the BBC comedy 'Steptoe and Son' - The Bird:
Harold: Well that's that then. I said "That's that then".
Albert: What's that then?
Harold: That is! I've finished for the day!
Albert: Have you fed the horse?
Harold: Of course I've fed the horse - I wouldn't have said "That's that then" if I hadn't.
Albert: You wrapped him up?
Harold: Yes I have wrapped him up. Look when I say "That's that then" it means I've done it all, it means I've finished. Gordon Bennett, if you don't know that after all these years.
Phew!!! I think that explains it all... I told you that if you read this every day you would learn something.
Tuesday, January 2
Adding a footnote
"Hello. Welcome to the Discworld, not a spherical world like yours, but flat… like a pizza. The Discworld moves through space on the backs of four giant elephants. They in turn stand on the back of a colossal turtle – the Great A’Tuin. Just goes to show the gods do have a sense of humour!"
Our version of Mort will open with Footnote, the narrator character used by Stephen Briggs in other Discworld adaptations, describing the locations and characters of the play for the audience. Pratchett's tales are easy to understand when you read them, once you have bought into the overall concept. On stage, life isn't so easy for the uninitiated. So to assist our audience Footnote will be their guide.
In the original play, as mentioned in an earlier blog, all the 'narration' pieces are done by characters in the story. Having decided to change this right at our initial meeting, replacing them with Footnote, the adjusted dialogue and new introduction needed putting together. Director her has done it all and sent it to director him, secretary and producer last night.
Apart from the usual caveat about spelling & grammar, which director her now always makes as a result of director him taking the p***, it is absolutely spot on. Whoever does the footnote role has got a pretty interesting job on their hands learning an introduction of 500 words. Strangely, it's the sort of thing I would normally fancy doing myself, but it's going to be a female part for us.
Thought for the day: 'Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste...' Sympathy For The Devil. Mick & Keef.
Our version of Mort will open with Footnote, the narrator character used by Stephen Briggs in other Discworld adaptations, describing the locations and characters of the play for the audience. Pratchett's tales are easy to understand when you read them, once you have bought into the overall concept. On stage, life isn't so easy for the uninitiated. So to assist our audience Footnote will be their guide.
In the original play, as mentioned in an earlier blog, all the 'narration' pieces are done by characters in the story. Having decided to change this right at our initial meeting, replacing them with Footnote, the adjusted dialogue and new introduction needed putting together. Director her has done it all and sent it to director him, secretary and producer last night.
Apart from the usual caveat about spelling & grammar, which director her now always makes as a result of director him taking the p***, it is absolutely spot on. Whoever does the footnote role has got a pretty interesting job on their hands learning an introduction of 500 words. Strangely, it's the sort of thing I would normally fancy doing myself, but it's going to be a female part for us.
Thought for the day: 'Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste...' Sympathy For The Devil. Mick & Keef.
Monday, January 1
Dream scenario, nightmare decisions
Happy New Year! It's 2007! Four days to go to auditions. Looks like we are going to have even more people turn up than we thought. All sorts of calls about auditioning have come in from new people to director her and director him.
A show in Windsor has apparently been cancelled according to one person who phoned director him. That person is definitely coming down and may bring others along too. This will be the largest turnout for auditions for a spring play since Stags & Hens, maybe the largest ever.
This dream situation makes life very difficult for those who have to cast the show. Secretary and I spent a very pleasant New Year's Eve at friends along with box office, director her and previous director. We stayed the night at director her & previous director's place and had a discussion over a drink (with box office as well) that there may be a lot of disappointed people (producer and box office included) after auditions.
We need good new blood and doing a Terry Pratchett is a useful way to draw a different group of people into CAST. You are going to have a rather different sort of person thinking about trying out for Mort than for say My Fair Lady, Cinderella or Outside Edge. The people who appear in this show are also quite likely to stay to do our next one, Return To The Forbidden Planet, as it has a similar sort of appeal.
The point here is that director her is already having nightmares over the casting. As each extra person comes into view, it gets to be more of a nightmare as well. But once DEATH, Mort, Ysabell and Albert have been cast I shall join director her and director him to assist with casting the other parts and to help take the blame from anyone who is disappointed! It will be good for me to have something to do to take my mind off being disappointed at not getting the part I wanted!!!
Thought for the day: '"Ah. Well. There's certainly plenty of raw material" sighed Lezek.' Mort (The book, that is) TP
A show in Windsor has apparently been cancelled according to one person who phoned director him. That person is definitely coming down and may bring others along too. This will be the largest turnout for auditions for a spring play since Stags & Hens, maybe the largest ever.
This dream situation makes life very difficult for those who have to cast the show. Secretary and I spent a very pleasant New Year's Eve at friends along with box office, director her and previous director. We stayed the night at director her & previous director's place and had a discussion over a drink (with box office as well) that there may be a lot of disappointed people (producer and box office included) after auditions.
We need good new blood and doing a Terry Pratchett is a useful way to draw a different group of people into CAST. You are going to have a rather different sort of person thinking about trying out for Mort than for say My Fair Lady, Cinderella or Outside Edge. The people who appear in this show are also quite likely to stay to do our next one, Return To The Forbidden Planet, as it has a similar sort of appeal.
The point here is that director her is already having nightmares over the casting. As each extra person comes into view, it gets to be more of a nightmare as well. But once DEATH, Mort, Ysabell and Albert have been cast I shall join director her and director him to assist with casting the other parts and to help take the blame from anyone who is disappointed! It will be good for me to have something to do to take my mind off being disappointed at not getting the part I wanted!!!
Thought for the day: '"Ah. Well. There's certainly plenty of raw material" sighed Lezek.' Mort (The book, that is) TP
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